I've been looking for a way to share information that isn't quite suitable for the light-and-lively tone that I try to maintain on FB. I do dislike every hiccup and bump being made public knowledge, so haven't splattered recent news all over the wall.

Seems undignified.

But now there is stuff all a-happening that folks might actually want to know about. And to be frank, some of it is so blackly hilARious, that I can't resist sharing it. In order to maintain some dignity, then, and still speak frankly, I have followed a friend's advice and set up shop here. You can get all the updates you want, if you care to keep reading. If you don't, then feel free to stick to the FB world. I shall still endeavour to be moderately entertaining there.

Let's start with the grim and get it out of the way. I am operating under the assumption that, if you are reading this, you have some interest in helping me maintain some discretion over the information that I give. I will not share anything inappropriate- well, not so that it damages anyone, at least.

Last Tuesday was badbad. Rich left Korea in November for a job in NY. He came over last week and initiated divorce procedures.

Tuesday morning, I went in to have a lump investigated. I have often had them, and they've all been cysts that just needed draining.
You know where this is going now, don't you?
Or so you THINK!!
It starts off with 'it can only happen to Pat' hilarity:

Doctor: Do you speak English?
P- Errrr, yeeeess....
Doctor: Oh, good. That is unusual.
P- (raises eyebrow)
Doctor: Have you any history of breast cancer?
P- No, but I have often had fluid-filled cysts, which have never caused any real trouble. My last mammogram was in 2010.
Doctor: Your English really is very good.
P- Errr, thank you.....
Doctor: Have you noticed any discharge?
P- No, none.
Doctor: any bleeding?
P- none.
Doctor: Pain?
P- No. (And I've been pretty bereft the last few months, so any ache I may have had in my chest has been attributed to that!)
Doctor: Puckering?
P- No; it does feel different, though; harder and more fixed. It is also in a different location.
Doctor: Your accent is amazing. Where did you learn English?
P- Canada- Look, are you sure you're talking to who you THINK you're talking to??
Doctor- You aren't Russian??
P- Oh, brother.

He didn't expect any problems. The twelve year old ultrasound technician, however. spoke as baldy as only Korean medical professionals can as she swept the do-hickey over me:
'Ah, yes. Here is the problematic tumour.'
What the whaaaaa?

So, a quick glance tells them that it's about 2 cm big, and has some 'worrying' white specks in it. THAT was interesting news to take into my divorce, I can tell you!

One drive-by biopsy later, it transpires that I have Stage II breast cancer.

P- (Sitting down hard) Yikes!

More tales of medical competency and linguistic laughability to follow...